In the event you’ve been on social media these days, you’ve in all probability seen #attachmentstyle making the rounds. The hashtag has been seen greater than a billion instances on TikTok.
So what’s attachment type?
Relationship attachment type refers to how individuals behave in relationships, from expressing intimacy to dealing with battle. The time period grew to become widespread in 1969 when psychologist Mary Ainsworth developed the Strange Situation Procedure (surprisingly not trending on TikTok) to measure attachment between caregiver and baby.
Ainsworth’s attachment principle says the emotional bonds we kind with our caregivers (often mother and father) as infants play a giant position in how we behave in relationships as adults. For instance, in the event you had a caretaker who wasn’t attentive to your wants or dependable, you’re extra more likely to have difficulties in grownup relationships.
Therapist Lori Gordon-Michaeli, LCSW, stated studying your attachment type will help you higher perceive the way in which you tick and the way you reply to your accomplice. “It helps us be taught what our wants are and the way we will help our accomplice meet these wants. It additionally helps us to know our accomplice and their strategy to the connection.”
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Gordon stated attachment type is pushed by the unconscious self moderately than the aware self. “If we all know our attachment type, we will navigate a wholesome model of interactions. As an alternative of reacting, we be taught to reply within the relationship. A variety of instances relationships don’t work due to our attachment types and a lack of know-how in responses.”
The 4 attachment types are:
- Safe
- Anxious
- Avoidant
- Disorganized
The three insecure types — you guessed them — have unfavorable impacts on relationships. However you possibly can take steps to acknowledge insecure attachment types and make modifications to assist kind wholesome relationships.
We requested Gordon concerning the fundamentals behind the 4 attachment types and what to know in the event you or your accomplice has an insecure attachment type.
1. Safe attachment type
Individuals who have a safe attachment type are often assured within the bond they’ve with their companions. So, they often do properly in relationships.
They’re comfy sharing emotions and are good at speaking. They don’t often learn into issues and are fantastic with intimacy and vulnerability whereas, on the identical time, nonetheless really feel safe in who they’re. Mainly, the kind of accomplice all of us need.
In the event you or your accomplice has a safe attachment type: Individuals with safe attachment types will often gravitate to one another. Nevertheless, if they’re in a relationship with somebody who has an insecure attachment type, they’re more likely to be prepared to satisfy their accomplice the place they’re and/or assist work by issues.
2. Anxious attachment type
Individuals with an anxious attachment type usually had one thing occur of their infancy or younger childhood growth that led to emotions of abandonment. So, as adults, they wish to really feel shut and intimate with their accomplice in order that they really feel reassured and protected.
Nevertheless, the necessity for fixed reassurance and relationship validation could be troublesome in a relationship. Individuals with anxious attachment could sabotage the connection in attention-seeking methods to get validation. Feeling insecure, jealous and needy are additionally indicators of anxious attachment type.
In the event you or your accomplice has an anxious attachment type: It could be helpful to work on coping expertise utilizing discuss remedy, comparable to dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for self soothing and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). EMDR, which stands for eye motion desensitization and reprocessing, can also assist to maneuver previous emotions of abandonment.
3. Avoidant attachment type
Individuals with avoidant attachment are inclined to withdraw throughout intimacy and shrink back from closeness general. It is because the thought of being weak feels threatening to them. Individuals with avoidant attachment have problem trusting different individuals and make investments little in relationships.
In the event you or your accomplice has an avoidant attachment type: Remedy will help individuals with avoidant attachment type be taught to belief and share ideas and emotions. Word: Avoidant and anxious attachment types can develop into very poisonous when collectively, so each events ought to take into account remedy.
4. Disorganized attachment type
Individuals with disorganized attachment types have a mixture of anxious attachment with avoidant traits. Normally individuals with this attachment type have been by trauma and/or abuse and have a really arduous time trusting anybody.
Disorganized attachment could result in unpredictable conduct and hassle regulating feelings. Indicators of disorganized attachment embrace contradictory behaviors, like being cold and warm, and a worry of rejection.
In the event you or your accomplice has a disorganized attachment type: Therapies that embrace trauma assist could assist individuals with disorganized attachment. EMDR and trauma-focused CBT are two examples which will additionally assist individuals course of and transfer ahead towards more healthy relationships.
The excellent news is that folks with any of those attachment types are able to comfortable relationships. “Remedy may be very useful in all regards to achieve information about ourselves in methods we by no means actually considered,” Gordon stated. “If you’re having issues in your relationships it is likely to be a good suggestion to begin with self reflection to be able to be the most effective model of your self. That often modifications how we work together with others, which in flip, shifts the relationships into extra nice waters.”
